Everybody sometimes wakes up with a dim sound which one could hear with a certain amount of amplification. It depends on the nature of the sound but for Vasu it was the same old sound of Mr. Upadhya. For his voice sound him like a yogi breathing Om. This though seemed to be a good start for the day at least for any Hindu. But for Vasu it was a disaster. For he was in a mid of a dream where he saw his love, his life, soul mate. Oh he loved her so much so that that he was ready to leave his current stream of studying and try to make himself as a student of medical science. For his love was a medical student. But it would be suicidal for him because his conscience won’t allow him to do so. So he started his way through reading medical books and impressing her by chanting impressive medical terminologies. But a lover is lover and a student is a student. So in the end he always use to make a total fool of himself. This fortunately made his love laugh like anything. But he never felt ashamed. He thought to himself that “great at least I am making her laugh may be she will have some soft part in her heart for me”. He never lied to her but he always use to get nervous when she acted rudely to him.
Mr. Upadhya’s humming voice woke Vasu up. It some how made him think “hey Mr Upadhya is a doctor”. But then his human hope got activated and he thought why he can’t give another try to his dream of love. So laid on his bed and kept thinking about her.
He was utterly delighted for he had just dreamt about his girl lying in his arms. As they say in Hindi “subha ke sapane sach hote hain”. This saying added to his delightfulness.
The things we dream about are the ones which we desire to have at least subconsciously. Our mind is a rock where every layer has its own way of controlling our behavior. But when it comes to dreams we see what we can’t have in our real life. This is what the psychologists say. The dreams are the ones which makes us horrified as it has been posted in the movies but it does makes us happy and delighted as in case of Vasu. But why does he feel good about this dream. There are number a of reasons which makes one happy. In case of Vasu it was his lucky day which made him happy. Now what’s lucky about it? It always happens that people want desperately to see what they want to see in their dream. But they can’t because there is no conscious control over the dream subject. It’s impossible for any human to see the desired subject in his or her dream. For our mind is the most astounding part of our body. So what we want consciously never conjures up in our dream. This is why Vasu felt happy not just that he saw his love in his arms.
While Vasu was laying on his bed thinking about his love his imagination took him to another day when he once dreamt her. And it was his episodic memory which took him to the cricket field where Vasu played his historic over. It was historic not because Vasu played well but because he played surprisingly well. For he was an awfull player and always use to freak out and leave the place. On that day he was really lucky. Oh! He was happy as a sand boy he was in full high.
Why did small things made him happy? The question is important. Rather than laughing about it one should ask what makes people feel happy. Is their success? Oh it was. For him small things were very important. Even a nod from a stranger in exchange for a simple favor would make him delighted. But what was the reason behind it? Throughout childhood he was a laughing clown for everybody around him. But rather he use to enjoy the mockery. To most of the people he was a stranger. But hanging him as a stranger was a complement because in the process he was getting some attention out of it. However in college things changed from bad to good. He got respect since he had a certain amount of command over the English language. For he studied in a region where English was not in the fortune of every student around him.
Vasu’s happiness was not really apparent on his. A mere thought of his love pulled him in a trance. For him this trance was an altered state of consciousness where he felt pessimistic. A state where his desires were within his reach and everybody liked him including his love. Later after the game he was as usual he was dreaming about his girl when he was interrupted by the shrilling of his the bell. He was astound to see two small but mature figures at his door step. It was Hari and Guru. Both of them were his closest friend. They were the only ones who paid attention to him. He also trusted them like anything. He welcomed them in and hugged them tight. But He could see a sense of desperation on their face.
Guru said “why dint you tell me this?”
“What?” said Vasu
“That you proposed her”
Vasu felt a lump in his throat. He exactly knew what Guru meant. Guru was talking about his love. That thing shook him. He couldn’t think how he got to know about this. It was a complete secret, a secret which his heart kept for years. He never uttered a word about it. Just then Hari nudged him a said
“hey come on buddy why are you getting so nervous, he’s just kidding”
No I am not why don’t you tell him by yourself Vasu? Guru interrupted.
He knew there was no point hiding things and lying would only make things complicated. His heart was pure and his mouth never had the skill of lying glibly and he said
Yes I did, but how do you people know about this?
To which Guru replied “we get to know this from a guy she spoke to about your proposal.
After hearing this he was pretty certain about the whole picture. He knew the girl never respected him no matter how well she spoke to him. His certainty was strengthening with the fact that she did some back stabbing talks with other people also. Moreover the thing which made him burning through his heart was her humors way of describing someone’s emotion. His mind could imagine how she must have told the guy about his proposal and how both of them must have made fun of the things. There was a pause after which Hari started telling about his heroic way of handling things in his college. While Vasu kept thinking about his betrayal. He kept silent. But then suddenly he realized that he could hear a dampened sound and it became sharper and sharper. He turned towards Guru for he couldn’t hear his voice but he was gone. He then turned towards Hari but he was gone. He then realized that there was no room and he was standing in pitch dark……………
Vasu opened his eyes. And he could finally tell what was the dampened sound. It was the door bell again but this time it was for real. Later that evening He spoke to his love casually about this. But he never had the idea what was going to be the next part. His love told him that she did tell somebody about the proposal. Vasu was shocked never could have imagined the accuracy of the Hindi saying. It was the same burning feeling in his heart which he felt in the dream. This time it was for real. People say that forgiving is the greatest deed but for Vasu it was something he couldn’t do from his heart. He did forgive her but he said “you know even if forgive you, my heart will never accept it and may be it will eat the whole love inside me for you. So I am sorry but we are done here”. Each word he spoke he felt the sharp burn in his heart. For he had no choice. It was a tuff call for him. It was hard for him to stop thinking about a person because his mind, his heart was full of that person. He was not upset with the fact that some people knew about whom he loved but that his own love had shattered his trust. Form then he never made a call to her. Funny though what we don’t want to see in our dream it sometime does conjure up. This time it was Vasu’s love that use to be his dream became a nightmare. He became delighted whenever he saw her but now he just cannot bear it. For his mind was like a stubborn horse, he can’t ride on it.
It’s not about how many people know about who you love. It’s about trust, because love is not what you want to broadcast. Love is what you want to trust upon for trust is the absolute measure of love.
